Perhaps my sensitivity has become blunted somewhere along the disposition of a reasonably normal, happy life. For a long time after Joe Varioni’s death I tried to stay away from places where jazz was played. Then I suddenly met Douglas Smith at teachers’ college, fell in love with him, and we went dancing. And when the orchestra played a Varioni Brothers’ number, I treacherously found that I could use Varioni words and music to date and identify my new happiness for future nostalgic purposes. I was that young and I was that much in love with Douglas. And there was a wonderful, ungeniuslike thing about Douglas—his arms were so ready to be filled with me. I think if ever a lady, in memory of a gentleman, were determined to write an ode to the immortality of love, to make it convincing she would have to remember how the gentleman used to take her face between his hands and how he examined it with at least polite interest. Joe was always too wretched, too thwarted, too claimed by his own unsatisfied genius, to have had either inclination or time to examine, if not my face, my love. As a consequence, my mediocre heart rang out the old, rang in the new.
J.D.S.
